An Epidemic of Belonging

The views expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of ASPA as an organization.

By Renée Cardarelle
September 5, 2025

This week, just as I was writing this article on isolation, there was a mass shooting at a school in Minnesota. The news, as always, was upsetting. It makes one wonder what is going wrong with this world. It also struck me how relevant it was to this topic of belonging. After all, people don’t just wake up one day and decide to kill a whole group of people before killing themselves. It isn’t a beginning act, it is the end act of someone who has lost the value of life, who no longer feels like life is worth cherishing. It is the act of someone who no longer feels they belong.

Like most of the issues in our complex society, we struggle with the appropriate answer to these acts of violence. To suggest it has to do simply with hate or the lack of gun laws or even the lack of prayer does not really help us. We know there is so much more going on, but we struggle with how to fix the problem because, like most problems in a large society, it is intertwined with other issues and requires a focus on the big picture.

Recently, a friend told me how important it was for public administrators to be thinking about the big picture, not just immediate needs, because most people are focused on the short term, on what is important today, or next week or maybe in a year or two, not on change over decades. This is where public administrators can step in, by considering how to build effective systems that address the causes of crises.

Which is where we get to the idea of belonging. When we foster a sense of belonging, people are less isolated, less angry and less likely to be violent. How do we know this? There are already a significant number of studies on how isolation and loneliness are becoming huge concerns. Perhaps the most important is the US Surgeon General’s report on loneliness released in 2023. The report outlines how loneliness in the US is at epidemic levels, with one in five Americans suffering from chronic loneliness. The results are higher numbers of people completing suicide, higher levels of domestic violence and more people struggling with high levels of anxiety and mental health.

Taking it a step further, social psychologist Geoff Cohen has labeled this crisis as one of belonging and says it is driving hate and division. If you think about it, most of us don’t do the best job of recognizing when other people are feeling lonely and disconnected. In fact, we often mistake the behavior as eccentric or disturbed at best and as hate filled at worst. We instinctively back away from them, increasing their sense of isolation by rejecting them, which deeply threatens their sense of belonging. As this hate and division grow, it can be played out in actions against groups of people who are already targeted as different.

For instance, we know that as young women have become dramatically more empowered and less tied to the idea of marriage as a measure of their self-worth, young men have become more disgruntled and frustrated. They feel as though they have lost status and that their lives are not as good as their fathers who had a wife to take care of his needs. Often they are left feeling as though they don’t belong anywhere, and they seek out others who feel the same way. The more isolated they feel, the more they cling to online communities that echo their frustrations. Instead of finding ways to address their emotions, these echo chambers reinforce them. They create in-groups focused on the individual’s status as an outcast. (See for example the video discussion between Simon Sinek and Trevor Noah.)

In-groups foster a sense of exclusivity and solidarity within their ranks, and hate groups and extremist organizations have found they can capitalize on the fears of those who belong to them. In part, they do this by alienating others who hold differing views or identities, the out-groups. This sentiment of “us versus them” not only deepens divides but also promotes mistrust among communities, rallies followers and justifies divisive actions. These tactics distract from more pressing systemic issues, such as economic inequality and social injustice, and redirect frustration toward marginalized groups, making it easier for external forces to exert influence.

Often those who benefit from this level of division will shrug and say it is human nature for people to act this way, but that is a false rhetoric. It isn’t human nature to hate, it is a learned behavior, and as such can be unlearned. As Geoff Cohen suggests, we need to look past ideologies and focus on something we all share: the simple human need to be embraced, accepted and respected. And there is research that suggests compassion is a natural and automatic response that has ensured human survival. At our core, most humans have a natural capacity for compassion (Warneken and Tomasello, 2009).

Public administrators are in the perfect position to work on integrating compassion and belonging into our communities. With everyday actions, they can begin to change the focus from rejecting others to accepting them and helping them belong. Next month’s article will discuss this further. Meanwhile, until we begin to recognize that violent acts such as mass shootings are part of a complex pattern of social dysfunction, we will never be able to start the process of healing. The first step toward forming healthier communities is to stop creating division and to start working together. To invite people into the conversation, not reject them.

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Author: Renée Cardarelle has a PhD in Management and Public Service from Hamline University with a focus on public participation in the governing process. In addition to her work in academia, Renée has also worked in the nonprofit sector and in grassroots organizing for more than twenty years.

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